Winging Life Since 1995

Sunday, 18 December 2016

45 Thoughts I Had on the Tube


  1. I'm having a hot flush omg.
  2. I'm burning up up up, I'm burning up up up, I'm burning up up up, I'm on fire!
  3. Shit. Should not have stood in the corner. 
  4. Hello I'm standing here!
  5. I'm like jelly on a plate.
  6. He did not just fart...
  7. *Frantically checks if vents are open*
  8. Coat on, coat off, coat on, coat off.
  9. I'm falling all over the place.
  10. Werk werk werk werk werk.
  11. Make up. Melting.
  12. BITCH THAT'S MY SEAT.
  13. She could be pregnant, but she could of had seconds of chicken jalfrezi.
  14. Wibble wobble.
  15. Ladies first but also equality...
  16. Must. Hold. On.
  17. If I put one foot out and twist the other 180 degrees I might be able to stay balanced.
  18. Mmmm you smell nice.
  19. Please don't fall asleep Emily.
  20. *Gets a whiff of armpit*
  21. SASHIMI ROLLIN', THEY HATIN'.
  22. Ugh.
  23. We're only here?! I can't believe there's five whole stops to go.
  24. *Reads same advert twelve times*
  25. *Tries not to stare at boobs opposite*
  26. I think that man will follow me and kill me.
  27. I feel need to dance deep inside.
  28. I SMELL MACDONALDS.
  29. Please kindly remove your backpack from my face. 
  30. Dear God, if I get trampled today please make all the sad animals happy.
  31. *Makes faces in window reflection*
  32. *Realises people are looking*
  33. Those are some futuristic headphones.
  34. It's got none of those cord things.
  35. Sir I can hear your tunes.
  36. *Secretly judges everyone*
  37. What we need is love and world peace.
  38. I'm not hating on you, I just want to know where you got your shoes.
  39. *Catches eyes of person opposite* DO I SMILE?!
  40. Are they looking at me or is it because I just looked at them.
  41. It's been two stops, IT'S BEEN FOREVER.
  42. Did I just sing that it loud?!
  43. I need my bed.
  44. GET OUT MY WAY.
  45. LET ME CROSS MY FINISH LINE.

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